Foster parenting. Am I any good at this? I am wondering.
Nine months ago, she came to live with us. We barely knew each other. Different cultures, different expectations, morals, religions, everything. Everything.
Anger came, trust built, feelings poured out. I'm good at nurturing. I love loving. I'm a mother.
Today, it is time to give back. Reunite.
My heart is torn. I love this girl! She's partly mine. I miss her. I will miss her. I love her.
Healing. That was the purpose of it all. Healing and a better time. We were a bridge between a bad and a better time.
I want to keep her. I want to keep them all. It is hard to open my arms to heaven and let her fly back home. I trust. He will watch over her. She loves Him.
But it is really hard, on both of us.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Multitude.... Monnesday??
(I was thankful on Monday but I just didn't get around to blogging about it! It is summer and I'm off the clock AND the calendar for the time being!)
#732(TODAY'S BIGGEST) I'm thankful for the time left. The years my kids have left in school, the time left of summer break, the rest of my life...etc.
733. I'm thankful for extended family. For safe places for my kids to stay a while.
734. and mostly for when they come back home!!
735. I'm thankful for my love of cooking and for colorful, tasty veggies.
736. Sometimes experiences make us not only thankful for what we have, but realize we were so irrational..yesterday. Thankful for that.
737. I'm thankful for old friends that make me feel young.
738. For Janet Evonovich books every summer!
739. For hope. Despair is easy. wallowing in self pity is easy. Hope isn't always easy, but it sure is refreshing and energizing!
740. For memories of Maw Maw and Baw Baw. I went there today.
741. For how a child's eyes don't see a grandparent's faults.
742. For continued healing.
743. I'm thankful for apricots! I love those little fruits! I wish I could find apricot bubble bath.
744. (the littlest today)For hummingbirds.
745. For citronella coils and our nightly meeting on the porch swing. A coil, a flannel blanket, myself and occasionally a dog or a comfortable person. For the sounds of coyotes, the river running, bulls doing what bulls do, lightning in the distance, comfortable darkness. Wait..746 would HAVE to be the flannel blanket. The green and white one with wildlife on it. Handstitched by some little lady in Taos. If she only knew that craft show find is my all time favorite! (747-751 are in there too)
752. I'm thankful for dumb humor. Like this: Selina (hispanic) says to me, "I'm making chicken noodle soup". I said, "Perfect meal when you are in a house full of crackers".
Thanks for stopping. What are you thankful for?
#732(TODAY'S BIGGEST) I'm thankful for the time left. The years my kids have left in school, the time left of summer break, the rest of my life...etc.
733. I'm thankful for extended family. For safe places for my kids to stay a while.
734. and mostly for when they come back home!!
735. I'm thankful for my love of cooking and for colorful, tasty veggies.
736. Sometimes experiences make us not only thankful for what we have, but realize we were so irrational..yesterday. Thankful for that.
737. I'm thankful for old friends that make me feel young.
738. For Janet Evonovich books every summer!
739. For hope. Despair is easy. wallowing in self pity is easy. Hope isn't always easy, but it sure is refreshing and energizing!
740. For memories of Maw Maw and Baw Baw. I went there today.
741. For how a child's eyes don't see a grandparent's faults.
742. For continued healing.
743. I'm thankful for apricots! I love those little fruits! I wish I could find apricot bubble bath.
744. (the littlest today)For hummingbirds.
745. For citronella coils and our nightly meeting on the porch swing. A coil, a flannel blanket, myself and occasionally a dog or a comfortable person. For the sounds of coyotes, the river running, bulls doing what bulls do, lightning in the distance, comfortable darkness. Wait..746 would HAVE to be the flannel blanket. The green and white one with wildlife on it. Handstitched by some little lady in Taos. If she only knew that craft show find is my all time favorite! (747-751 are in there too)
752. I'm thankful for dumb humor. Like this: Selina (hispanic) says to me, "I'm making chicken noodle soup". I said, "Perfect meal when you are in a house full of crackers".
Thanks for stopping. What are you thankful for?
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Just one more for today!
This is my THIRD post this morning! Catchin' up!!
I just want to share Cody's experience a tiny bit more, for those who are interested.
We found out that the first biopsy was melanoma as we were in between checking cows and visiting the cemetary. I broke the news to the family when I got off the phone. Cody and I stood hugging, at my grandparents' grave and I didn't cry. The lump in my throat HURT but I was strong. He comforted me and said, "it's okay, Mom, it will be okay."
As we went thru the waiting period, I would ask, "are you okay?" " How are you emotionally?" "Mentally? Spiritually?" He would tease me about the mental one...but he kept saying, "I'm fine, Mom." I asked him if the "C" word scared him. He said, "kinda". He told me was praying for a peace beyond understanding. This song, was his a summary of his prayer.
Lyrics to Lord (I Don't Know) :
You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdomLord,
I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt
You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation
Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt
Oh, Lord, you are the authorRedeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come
Lord, we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt
When other's close to him would be scared, he would be the comforter. He truly was not fearful.
In the hospital, he still had the same peace. He joked with nurses and doctors the ENTIRE time. They were looking at us like, "Do you have a clue what melanoma is???" and I was thinking, "Do you have a clue who this boy's Saviour is??"
I don't tell you this to brag on my son. I tell you this because his faith and love of God his WHOLE. LIFE.LONG has uplifted me and encouraged me beyond what words can describe. From the time he was 2 and said, from his carseat, "Mommy, so what can you tell me about the children of Israel?" to when he was 5 and wanted to give his life to God. For the time when he was 5 and we had to read thru Exodus..every single waking moment until we were done. And for a million times like that. He has made me open my Bible from the time he was tiny. So, this is Cody's story...and I wanted to share it with you.
I just want to share Cody's experience a tiny bit more, for those who are interested.
We found out that the first biopsy was melanoma as we were in between checking cows and visiting the cemetary. I broke the news to the family when I got off the phone. Cody and I stood hugging, at my grandparents' grave and I didn't cry. The lump in my throat HURT but I was strong. He comforted me and said, "it's okay, Mom, it will be okay."
As we went thru the waiting period, I would ask, "are you okay?" " How are you emotionally?" "Mentally? Spiritually?" He would tease me about the mental one...but he kept saying, "I'm fine, Mom." I asked him if the "C" word scared him. He said, "kinda". He told me was praying for a peace beyond understanding. This song, was his a summary of his prayer.
Lyrics to Lord (I Don't Know) :
You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdomLord,
I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt
You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation
Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt
Oh, Lord, you are the authorRedeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come
Lord, we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt
When other's close to him would be scared, he would be the comforter. He truly was not fearful.
In the hospital, he still had the same peace. He joked with nurses and doctors the ENTIRE time. They were looking at us like, "Do you have a clue what melanoma is???" and I was thinking, "Do you have a clue who this boy's Saviour is??"
I don't tell you this to brag on my son. I tell you this because his faith and love of God his WHOLE. LIFE.LONG has uplifted me and encouraged me beyond what words can describe. From the time he was 2 and said, from his carseat, "Mommy, so what can you tell me about the children of Israel?" to when he was 5 and wanted to give his life to God. For the time when he was 5 and we had to read thru Exodus..every single waking moment until we were done. And for a million times like that. He has made me open my Bible from the time he was tiny. So, this is Cody's story...and I wanted to share it with you.
Happy Birthday, America!
4th of July means the parade...which means the family float. Jess designed it this year and we were the Country Americans..AKA Hillbillies. Our MO is to shoot the crowd with waterguns, which we did again. Wouldn't want to disappoint!
Our neighbors (chosen family) gave it their heart and soul and dress up. Complete with a fresh batch of whiskey and shotgun. Don't ya mess with that Mama!
And our neighbors from the other side joined in the fun with much enthusiasm and energy! We have the BEST neighbors!!
and then, you are never to old for sparklers!
Multitude Monday starting with #716
Today is SURELY the most thankful Monday I've had in a long time! Numbers 716 and 727 are HUGE. Just HUGE. Two of the most heart filling thankfulnesses I have felt since beginning this quest!
It has been a while since I posted the "button" of where this idea originated, so here it is. You can find this "Stranger-friend"'s blog link on my blog list.
716...the lower layers of skin are clear of bad cells. (That makes #716 the most important in all 1000!!!)
717. Friends and family who rally around in times of need.
718. People who will say, " I will pray for you". and I know they will. Thoughts are great, but saying "I am thinking of you" is so weak compared to the prior comment.
719. My Bible study ladies who came to my house and prayed with us, cried with us, and encouraged us during a hard time. Different denominations and non denominations...
720. For my new friend who introduced me to "theives oil" in just the knick of time. Thank you, Jordan!
721. For major improvement in infection after only 3 days of using the thieves!!
722. For 4th of July parades..the fun and simplicity!
723. For neighbors who throw their heart and soul into it for us.
724. For a wonderful boss who believes in alternative ways of teaching kids and tries to step out of the classroom to let us teach them in unique ways.
725. For places like Amarillo, TX who did their 4th of July festivities on the 3rd so Sunday was still held reverent as God's day.
726. For the smell of burgers and hotdogs cooking on the grill.
727. For celebrating Independence day with RILEY who made it home for Afganistan, safely. Thanking God hugely for this. HUGELY.
728. For that generous man from Oklahoma who donated a $100 bill to our school programs yesterday. Who knows who he is, he didn't do it for recognition. He did it because he believes in us. Wow.
729. You know, I don't think I've been thankful for flip flops yet. I AM ! Love flippies!!
730. For the feeling of being home. Home with my family. The comfortable, messy hair and jammies feel of it.
731. I'm thankful for the overflowing thankfulness I feel today. I could go on and on and on and on. It feels good to be thankful!
Thanks for stopping in. What are you thankful for today?
It has been a while since I posted the "button" of where this idea originated, so here it is. You can find this "Stranger-friend"'s blog link on my blog list.
716...the lower layers of skin are clear of bad cells. (That makes #716 the most important in all 1000!!!)
717. Friends and family who rally around in times of need.
718. People who will say, " I will pray for you". and I know they will. Thoughts are great, but saying "I am thinking of you" is so weak compared to the prior comment.
719. My Bible study ladies who came to my house and prayed with us, cried with us, and encouraged us during a hard time. Different denominations and non denominations...
720. For my new friend who introduced me to "theives oil" in just the knick of time. Thank you, Jordan!
721. For major improvement in infection after only 3 days of using the thieves!!
722. For 4th of July parades..the fun and simplicity!
723. For neighbors who throw their heart and soul into it for us.
724. For a wonderful boss who believes in alternative ways of teaching kids and tries to step out of the classroom to let us teach them in unique ways.
725. For places like Amarillo, TX who did their 4th of July festivities on the 3rd so Sunday was still held reverent as God's day.
726. For the smell of burgers and hotdogs cooking on the grill.
727. For celebrating Independence day with RILEY who made it home for Afganistan, safely. Thanking God hugely for this. HUGELY.
728. For that generous man from Oklahoma who donated a $100 bill to our school programs yesterday. Who knows who he is, he didn't do it for recognition. He did it because he believes in us. Wow.
729. You know, I don't think I've been thankful for flip flops yet. I AM ! Love flippies!!
730. For the feeling of being home. Home with my family. The comfortable, messy hair and jammies feel of it.
731. I'm thankful for the overflowing thankfulness I feel today. I could go on and on and on and on. It feels good to be thankful!
Thanks for stopping in. What are you thankful for today?
Saturday, July 3, 2010
The latest...
Just before school was out, I was hugging my son in an extended kind of hug. I was eye to shoulder with him.( Thankfully, I kiss with my eyes closed and hug with them wide open!)
Looking me in the eye was an ugly mole I didn't remember seeing before. Off to our family dr....mole removed...6 days later, pathology said it is melonoma, bigger biopsy needed. 8 days later, with a trip squished into the week between, he underwent surgery. All layers of skin removed, down to the muscle and a skin graft taken from the same upper arm. 8 days later...we thank God that there was not cancer in the lower layers of skin.
So, if you are skweemish (how do you spell that??), don't look. But otherwise, here is a peek at the result. The graft site is still wrapped and has to be for 10 days. Thus, we haven't seen that.
This isn't your melanoma poster child. Not tons of sun exposure, only a couple of sun burns to speak of, never runs around shirtless...dark hair, hazel eyes, no family history of melanoma.
Check your family closely...this was a wakeup call.
Check your family closely...this was a wakeup call.
Buy the sunscreen recommended after much testing. Yes, it is expensive. So??
Eat healthy...drink water.....etc. etc.
When you've been pampered and cared for, you must return the favor to other family members. Here, he walked in and said, "I'm Dr. Habeeb, I am here to help you"...as he rubbed his sister's feet with oil when she wasn't feeling well. He described how to massage feet...."you squish the mushroom..." all said with quite an accent. I think Jess got a dose of laughter along with Dr. Habeeb's treatment.
LOVE this face! This is a "I'm shooting off fireworks and no I'm not worried what the neighbors think" smile! Teenagers! :)
Happy 4th of July! We will celebrate our country, our freedom, and our many blessings!
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